Before He Cheats
by Judgementlovesrangerandsteph
Summary: Maybe Next Time He'll Think... Before He Cheats. R&R NOTE THE RATING!


It was a cool, overcast day in Jersey when a black Rangeman SUV pulled up behind my latest POS down the road from a no tell motel just outside of Trenton. In the last few months, Joe was getting distant and at the same time Ranger had been approaching me, to the extent of Connie and Lula thinking we where dating.

_**Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleached-blond tramp,**_

_**And she's probably getting frisky... right now,**_

_**He's probably buying her some fruity little drink because she can't shoot whiskey...**_

Ranger got out and came up to me, "Babe"

"Do you have a baseball bat, a knife, and time tonight Ranger?" I asked, mischievous look dancing in my eyes.

_**Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick,**_

_**Showing her how to shoot a combo...**_

"Yes, why?" He asked.

"You, Lester, and Tank need to meet me at my apartment tonight. I'm hungry for Revenge- in the style of Auto Destruction" I smiled, dangling Morelli's keys in front of his face then kissing him and sliding into the ancient BMW. I drove back to my apartment satisfied that I was over with Morelli-and ready for revenge. I called the bonds office and told them I might not be in tomorrow and to have Vinnie bail me out should I go to jail. I swore Connie to secrecy and let her in on the plan.

I got dressed in a black leather jacket, knee-high boots with a 4" heel, a pair of black gloves, and some dark sunglasses. I grabbed my Slugger and the keys I had pick-pocketed from Joe earlier when he was showing off his new truck to everyone. There was a knock at the door and Ranger, Lester and Tank showed up in the usual Rangeman black plus dark glasses, and Lester had a bat.

_**And he don't know….**_

"Babe" Ranger said as I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Ready?" Tank asked, turning for the door.

"I wanna destruct Morelli's truck bed!" Lester said excitedly.

"Have at it. I'm…_decorating, _yeah, that's it…decorating… his brand new truck" I grinned strolling out of the door and to Ranger's truck where Lester and Tank got in the back, leaving me with shotgun. We got to his house where the van was missing. The truck and motorcycle were in the garage, locked up.

"How are we getting in? Or at least without letting him know we were here?" Lester whined. I pulled keys from the pocket of my skin-tight jeans. I let us in and started my work on the truck while Tank stayed outside to tell us if he came home.

_**That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,**_

_**Carved my name into his leather seat...**_

_**I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,**_

_**Slashed a hole in all 4 tires...**_

_**And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.**_

I took my bat and started at the headlights, smashing them in and crushing the windows. Ranger came up to me. "Got your knife?" I asked, opening the door. "Always do, always will, Babe." I took it and slashed the steering wheel. Dissected his seats, and stepped out moving to the front tires, carving them to shreds.

_**Right now, she's probably up singing some**_

_**White-trash version of Shania karaoke...**_

_**Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk"**_

_**And he's a thinking that he's gonna lucky,**_

"Lester, how ya doing?" I asked, looking up past ranger to where Lester was messing with something in the bed of the truck.

"You tell me. I just carved, well just come here." He told me. I jumped into the back and saw that Lester had used his bat to completely demolish the bed, back window, and tailgate of the truck.

"Thanks Lester! I think we should get outa here- he'll be home soon." I said, hopping out and smiling.

_**Right now, he's probably dabbing 3 dollars' worth of that bathroom polo...**_

_**And he don't know...**_

_**That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,**_

_**Carved my name into his leather seat,**_

_**I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,**_

_**Slashed a hole in all 4 tires...**_

_**And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.**_

"Ready Babe?" Ranger asked, walking up behind me.

"Yep. Let's go" I announced, following Lester out but not before putting on my glasses-I was a 'Burg girl, after all. Tank came behind us.

_**I might have saved a little trouble for the next girl,**_

_**Cause the next time that he cheats...**_

_**Oh, you know it won't be on me!**_

_**OH... not on me...**_

"How was it, Bombshell?" Tank asked as I reached for the radio in the truck.

"**I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,****carved my name into his leather seat...****I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,****slashed a hole in all 4 tires...****Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats**_**.**_" I smiled as we pulled into the Rangeman. I got out and walked to the elevator with them, still swinging my bat. "I forgot to give this back to you Ranger." I smiled as I held out my palm with his knife resting in it.

"Keep it, Babe" He told me as he pulled me into a kiss as the elevator doors closed when Lester and Tank stepped out on four.

I woke up the next morning to my cell phone ringing on Carlos' bedside table.

"Hello?" I asked, sitting up and looking over at a bare-chested Carlos.

"Stephanie!" Morelli yelled through the phone as I put it on speaker.

"Morelli!" I yelled back, smirking at Carlos. "What do you want?"

"You broke into my garage, trashed my truck, and then went with Manoso and his thugs…" He didn't get to finish.

"If you don't stop accusing him I swear you won't be able to Morelli." I cut him off. "Ranger is **not** a thug, and by the way, his 'thug gang' is ex-army, which is more than you can say! So shut the hell up" I hung up and slid out of Ranger's bed to pick up my clothes. Ranger had gone to his closet, and I headed to his kitchen, where breakfast was waiting. He walked in and kissed me before we sat down and headed down to 5.

We walked out of the elevator to Lester telling everyone on duty about the night before-including me in leather.

"Hey Lester, You might want to shut up before you get mat time!" I joked when we got to the control room.

"Well, beautiful, I think it would be worth it after seeing you demolish his truck! That was awesome!" He said, turning back to the screen in front of him.

"Hey! What are you watching?" I asked.

"Morelli's garage. I set up a camera before you started on the truck. And I'm glad I did, watch last night, then watch when he comes home." I watched as me, Lester, and Ranger destroyed the truck, then Lester flipped it to a couple hours later, when he walked into the garage to find his new truck in pieces.

The radio that was in the Control Room happened to be on and coincidently, **Before He Cheats** was on. I laughed, causing Lester to look at me and Tank to think I'd lost it-we were watching the destruction again. I walked back over to the radio and turned it up.

_**Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleached-blond tramp,**_

_**And she's probably getting frisky... right now,**_

_**He's probably buying her some fruity little drink because she can't shoot whiskey...**_

_**Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick,**_

_**Showing her how to shoot a combo...**_

_**And he don't know...**_

"_**That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive, carved my name into his leather seat... I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights, slashed a hole in all 4 tires... And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats**_" I laughed. "I was playing that in my head all last night"

"That is creepy!" Lester exclaimed, listening.

"Agreed" Tank said, walking to the break room.

_**Right now, she's probably up singing some**_

_**White-trash version of Shania karaoke...**_

_**Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk"**_

_**And he's a thinking that he's gonna lucky,**_

"So, Bombshell, I have a question. What did Morelli do to deserve this?" Tank asked, as Ranger finished talking to Hal.

"Would you count cheating on me, yelling at me, wanting me to quit my job, and trying to force me to marry him worthy?" I asked as the next set of lyrics rang out.

_**Right now, he's probably dabbing 3 dollars' worth of that bathroom cologne...**_

_**And he don't know...**_

_**That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,**_

_**Carved my name into his leather seat,**_

_**I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,**_

_**Slashed a hole in all 4 tires...**_

_**And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.**_

"Yes, I would….. In fact, can we kill him?" Tank responded.

"No, but _**I might have saved a little trouble for the next girl,**__**Cause the next time that he cheats...**__**Oh, you know it won't be on me!**_" I said with the lyrics.

_**OH... not on me...**_

_**Because I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,**_

_**Carved my name into his leather seat...**_

_**I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,**_

_**Slashed a hole in all 4 tires...**_

_**Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.**_

_**OH... Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats...**_

_**OH... before he cheats...**_

"Babe, I have to go pick up files from the bonds office, want to come?" Ranger asked.

"Yeah, Connie said last night I'd have files. I'm sure they've gossiped already" I said, looking at my watch.

_**Blah blah blah divider**_

We got out of the Turbo and where walking in the Bonds Office when Morelli barreled up to me.

"What did you do? Why are you with him? YOU are MY wife! Not HIS…" He started screaming, arms flailing and reminding me of a chicken.

"What's wrong with you Morelli? I'm not your wife." I decided to not address the other part of his hissy fit.

"Yes, you are! I proposed to you! That makes you my wife!" He started babbling and I walked through the door in front of Ranger.

"Connie, Lula, is someone another's wife if they didn't get married?" I asked, motioning to Morelli. Ranger was looking close to killing him, but got instead turned on his blank face and got his files from Connie.

"No, definitely not. Especially if one cheats and the other one doesn't want to get married because of it." Connie winked.

"There you go Morelli. I'm not your wife, and we were never engaged. So **get out!**" I demanded, pointing to the door.

"No. You can't make me! This is public property. It's a business." He said, smirking.

"It's only public if it's officially open, and yes, she can make you." Ranger said from behind me.

"Morelli, I'm an employee of this business, the sign on the door doesn't say open, and you're not appreciated here, so that means Get OUT!" Connie said, rising and holding him at gun point.

"I can charge you with attempted assault to an officer" Morelli snarled.

"Prove it" She challenged, cocking the gun. "Did you see me holding a gun to him?" She asked Ranger, Lula, and me.

"Nope, we just asked him to get out." Lula said.

"I can tap into the bugs in here, and then I'll be able to prove it!" He tried to intimidate Ranger. "And with everything you do, I'll be able to put you in jail for life!"

"Arrest me" He said, leaning against the wall. Morelli just left.

"Thank you Connie! That pest is convinced that I trashed his new truck last night" I smiled, winking at them.

"Tell us!" Lula patted the seat beside her.

"_**He don't know...**__**That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,**__**carved my name into his leather seat...**__**I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,**__**slashed a hole in all 4 tires...**__**And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.**_" I smiled. "Lester smashed in the back window and tore the bed to pieces. Let's just say… it won't be going anywhere."

"Ranger, where were you?" They turned to him.

"With me, Lester and Tank. Tank stood guard and Ranger and Lester helped me get Revenge." I grinned.

"We need doughnuts! Go get some!" Lula told me.

"We need to get back to Rangeman. And I have to go pick up my POS from my apartment." I announced taking my files from Connie. We were almost off the hook, but Lula caught sight of the knife on my left ankle.

"What's that on your ankle, white girl?" She asked diving for it. I had to move quickly so she wouldn't hit me.

"Why does it matter?" I asked, bending to pick up my files that I dropped.

"'Cause that's a knife!" Lula said, pointing.

"So?" I asked, rolling my eyes and pulling it from its strap.

"Since when do you wear a knife?" Connie questioned. I showed it to her.

"Yesterday, why?"

"I thought only he wore a knife." She said, pointing at Ranger, who was looking at his files, out of anything better to do.

"Why? Can't Babe wear one?" He questioned, not looking up.

"Well, yeah, but she never does…" Lula trailed.

"Point made. Let's head back, Babe." He responded, opening the door for me. I slid into the Porsche and finger-waved the girls, rolling my eyes when their jaws dropped.

"I am never wearing tight jeans with a knife ever again." I said, shaking my head.

"Bombshell, what was up with Morelli today?" I was immediately questioned when we got back.

"This place is worse than the 'Burg! I have no freaking clue. Do you have tape or audio of when Lula tried to take me out?" I asked, moving over to the Control Room and watching myself dodge a blur of red spandex.

"What was that about, anyway?" Bobby asked

"Lula spotted the knife, no biggie" I stated.

"KNIFE?" Came the response. I believe it was Tank, Lester, Hal, and Bobby.

"De ja vu" I mumbled, reaching for the knife. I held it up and placed it back at my ankle.

"That's Ranger's knife!" Tank said.

"If he had a problem with me having it, do you think I would?" I asked over my shoulder as I walked into his office.

"What was that about?" Ranger asked.

"Your men are as bad as Connie and Lula." I stated.

"I'm sure they'd appreciate the analogy." He smiled. "We have a distraction tomorrow, will you help?"

"Who is it?"

"We're repossessing a Ferrari. The guy has shot everyone who tried before us."

"Charming" I said. "I better get to work and stop feeding the gossip mill, oh, sorry, Rangeman."

"See you later Babe" He called after me. I smiled at the Control Room and headed to my cubicle.

Over the next few days, Ranger and I agreed it was best for me to stay at Rangeman since Morelli was still pissed with me and Ranger, thinking I was sleeping with him. He truly was out of control, and Ranger finally convinced me to carry a gun at all times. I was in the Control Room with the A-team when I got a call on my cell.

"Hello?" I asked, rolling my eyes at Lester who was mirror-imaging me.

"What are you doing at Rangeman? Haven't I told you they are thugs that are going to get you killed?" Morelli asked me. I put it on speakerphone before responding.

"Haven't I told you to fuck off?" I asked.

"I don't care. We're soul mates, don't you get it?" He said

"Morelli if you can't get over that I don't care, fuck you" I hung up. "If I shoot him, will you hide the body?" I asked Tank.

"Sure. But he has to attack you for it to be legal." He responded.

"Since when did we give a shit?" I asked

"Yesterday, when you almost got arrested for holding him at gun point." Lester told me.

"If he comes into the bonds office can I shoot him then?" I questioned

"As long as he's screaming and you think he'll hurt you. Oh, and he has to fall inside, if he doesn't, drag him in." Bobby said.

"Babe" Ranger complained.

"I know, I know. I'll shoot him next time" I smirked.


End file.
